The High School Of Gods And Satans
by maltron66
Summary: In order to keep a closer eye on the demons, the angels and all the supernatural beings that attend Kuoh Academy to make sure that a new war doesn't break out, and to ensure that the aforementioned entities do not neglect their duties as students, the leaders of the Three Factions decide to teach in Kuoh Academy!


**Chapter 1: Breaking the news**

It was just a typical afternoon for our heroes. Well, maybe not so typical. Issei and the girls of the O.R.C. were in high spirits as they were walking back to the Hyoudou residence early due to a number of teachers being absent from school.

"That's what I'm talking about! No school for today either! Hell yeah!" Issei said happily as he folded his hands behind his head.

"It's weird though. All our teachers are disappearing one after the other." Rias replied, skeptically.

"Indeed. First Mochizuki-sensei, then Igarasashi-sensei, and now Tobioka-sensei? And all of them disappearing just 3 days after school starts? Only teacher who is still in school is Azazel-sensei. Is this really a coincidence?" Xenovia added.

"Who cares! We're going home early! And I don't have to sit through another one of Tobioka's boring lectures on techniques of differentiation!" Issei laughed as he disregarded the girls' concern for their teachers.

"The only reason it seems boring to you is because you suck so much at math, you can't understand a single word from the entire lecture." Koneko muttered under her breath.

"Hey now, Koneko-chan…"

"That's right, Issei-kun! And that's the best opportunity to spend more quality time with you!" an enthusiastic Akeno said while suddenly appearing from behind Issei. She then proceeded to hug Issei's head and drive it into her ample breasts. The Red Dragon Emperor yelped in surprise.

"Whoa, wait a minute, Akeno-san! We're in the middle of the street! People are watching!"

"I don't mind." Akeno replied while embracing Issei harder and pressing her breasts against his head, causing the later to drool while slowly forgetting his hesitation.

"Oi, Akeno-san! Please stop this! Not here!" Asia cried out, partially because she was concerned that people were watching them, but mostly because she hated watching the other girls get their hands on what she considered to be "her" Issei.

"Akeno. Hands off my pawn." Rias said calmly, shooting a deadly glare at her Queen.

"Nope." Akeno replied in a childish manner while sticking out her tongue to her master.

"Do you seriously want me to beat your ass on the side of the street? I said, hands off. Now." Rias threatened her best friend, taking a step towards her while creating an orb of destruction on her right hand.

"Oooh? Jealous, aren't we? Well, if it's a fight you want…" Akeno retorted with a mocking smile as she let go of Issei and took a step towards Rias while preparing a thunder bolt, answering her best friend's challenge.

But right as the catfight between the 2 great onee-samas was about to begin…

"We're home!" Koneko said.

"Eh?!"

It was then that the group realized that, between their discussion about their teachers being absent and Akeno seducing Issei, they had reached their destination and were now standing outside the entrance of the Hyoudou residence. Rias and Akeno cancelled the magic attacks they were about to throw at each other and only resorted to using harsh language as they entered the elevator to get on the main floor.

"Slut."

"Whore."

"Sap."

"Wuss."

"Dim-wit."

"Dork."

"Cad."

"Loser."

"Pig."

"Bunny-lover."

"…dick move, man."

"What's wrong with loving bunnies?" Asia and Xenovia asked simultaneously. Issei rolled his eyes.

"Girls, can you please stop…" Issei pleaded.

But the 2 great onee-samas continued to insult each other even after exiting the elevator and walking into the spacious living room. Until…

"Hey, can you hear that?" Xenovia's ears perked up as they caught a sound coming from the nearby room. The others stopped to listen and they noticed a loud laughter that reverberated across the main floor, coming from the kitchen.

"Sounds like mom, dad, and someone else…" Issei said.

"That voice! I would swear that this is…" Rias replied, scurrying to the source of the sound, with the rest of the O.R.C. following her inside the kitchen. And inside there was…

"Daddy!" Rias cried out in happiness. Inside the kitchen was her father and head of the Gremory clan, Zeoticus Gremory, along with Mr. and Mrs. Hyoudou, Issei's parents. Zeoticus and Mr. Gremory were sitting on the table and drinking sake while Issei's mother was making lunch, stirring the contents of a pot.

"Welcome back, kids!" Mr. Hyoudou greeted the children.

"If it isn't my little Ria-tan! Come here, you!" Zeoticus exclaimed, extending his arms, with Rias running up to her father and catching him in a warm embrace.

"It's been a while, Zeoticus-sama." Akeno said, greeting Rias' father. Zeoticus gently broke the embrace as he stood up from the chair and approached Akeno with a smile.

"You must be Rias' Queen. Akeno, right? Rias has told me so much about you." he said while wrapping his hands around a smiling Akeno. Even though Rias and Akeno would bicker over Issei, they were still BFFs, and Zeoticus would often hear a lot about Akeno from his daughter. Akeno returned the hug as she smiled at Rias, with the later responding with an annoyed look while folding her arms. After that scene, Zeoticus proceeded to exchange a few words with the remaining girls of the O.R.C.. Although they had already met Rias' father, they never had the chance to talk with him personally until now.

After he was done addressing the girls, Zeoticus turned his attention towards Issei and extended his arm for a handshake.

"So, Issei-kun. How are you? How do you like your new house? What does living among so many attractive young women feel like? Not that I wouldn't know…" he joked.

"It can be tough at times, but it's worth it." Issei laughed while shaking Zeoticus' hand. "So, what brings you here in Kuoh?"

"Ah, I almost forgot!" Zeoticus yelled as he smacked his forehead. "I'm afraid that you won't quite like what I have to tell you…" he continued as he chuckled lightly. At hearing this, Issei let out a small laugh, but if you paid close attention to him, you could see that he was shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot.

"…but before I explain the reason for my visit, why don't we have lunch first? I'm sure you kids are hungry after spending your day in school. As for me, I'm always in the mood to eat. What do you say?"

"Y-yeah, let's eat first…" Issei nodded, nervously.

And so, the O.R.C. and the grown-ups sat through a splendid lunch, courtesy of Mrs. Hyoudou. Things rolled smoothly, save for Xenovia's display of poor table manners that occasionally caused a few laughs amongst the others.

After they had finished eating, Zeoticus emptied his glass before speaking up.

"I'm sure you kids are all wondering why I'm here."

At hearing this, the members of the O.R.C. fell silent as they turned their attention to Rias' father.

"Well, it has something to do with the Academy. I'm sure you've noticed that a good amount of your teachers have not shown any signs of life for over 3 days…"

"So he knows…" Issei thought. "But then again, he is the administrator of the Academy. If there's someone who should know, it's him."

"Haa… Is something wrong? Did something happen to them?" Asia asked.

"I'm afraid so. Something terrible happened to them." Zeoticus' expression darkened as he said these words.

"What?! What do you mean, father? What happened to them?" Rias asked, a hint of concern in her voice.

"We just learned that Igarasashi-sensei and Tobioka-sensei were killed in a traffic accident. They got run over by a bus."

"Oh my Satan! That's terrible!" Rias exclaimed, with the rest of the O.R.C. looking shocked.

Issei gulped after hearing his master call out to Satan, since his parents, who were also present during this conversation, probably heard that as well. "Good thing that Devils can use mind control on humans, or else we'd have to do a lot of explaining on why Buchou is calling out to a Maou instead of God." he thought.

Zeoticus made a short pause following the kids' reaction before continuing.

"As for Mochizuki-sensei, she died from a heroin overdose."

"Oh my-wait, what?" Rias yelped but then stopped as she processed her father's words. "Heroin overdose?" But none of their teachers had a drug record (save for a certain Fallen Angel leader), otherwise they would never be employed to teach in Kuoh. After thinking this, Rias also noticed that her father was trying really hard to keep a straight face. It didn't take a genius to realize that Zeoticus was pulling her leg.

"Dad, not funny." Rias deadpanned, reprimanding her father who burst out laughing.

"I beg to differ! You should have seen your face when I told you that your teachers got run over by a bloody bus!" Zeoticus laughed so hard he almost fell from his chair. At this point, Akeno burst out laughing too, causing Rias to shoot her one of her special "keep-laughing-and-I'll-kill-you" glares.

After Zeoticus managed to get ahold of himself, he proceeded to explain what was really going on with the missing teachers.

"Don't worry, all your teachers are fine. Actually, I'd go as far as say that they're having the time of their life. We sent them on an all-expenses-paid cruise to the Caribbean."

"Huh? But school has just begun! Who is going to be teaching us now that our teachers are on vacation?" Issei wondered out loud. Zeoticus cleared his throat before continuing.

"As you all know, Kuoh Academy is attended by a variety of… "interesting" students. And things are about to get even more interesting. We have received dozens of applications from even more "interesting" students who have shown an interest in attending the Academy. Seeing that the new school year has just started, all applications were accepted. The new students should be arriving at school any day now. Maybe even tomorrow. I expect all of you to make them feel like home."

Reacting to the news, Rias raised an eyebrow while the rest of the O.R.C. stayed silent as they waited for Zeoticus to go on.

"Therefore, I decided to replace your current teachers with new ones, which are better suited to teach under these new conditions."

"So in other words, we're getting new teachers and some new transfer students?" Rias asked.

"Pretty much."

"Thank Lucifer", the busty redhead sighed in relief. "For a sec, I thought that something really bad was going on."

"Well, that's a pleasant surpise." Kiba said with a smile.

"I'll say! Maybe some swordsmen will join too! That way, there will be more people to train with!" Xenovia added.

"Maybe some people affiliated with the church like Xenovia and Irina will join as well…" a hopeful Asia continued.

"Ara-ara… new transfer students… I wonder what the new first-years will be like? Maybe they'll be fun to tease…" Akeno mused in a naughty fashion.

"Uwaaa? Akeno-san, I must take exception to that! Only I can have the privilege of seeing your goods!" a startled Issei yelped.

"Now, now, Issei-kun… I won't take things too far… you know that you're the only male that can stare at my boobs…" Akeno winked at the Red Dragon Emperor.

"Pfft. Typical slutty Akeno." Rias snorted.

"I'm sorry, miss "I-slept-with-a-boy-naked-before-I-even-knew-his-name", did you say something?" Akeno retorted.

"Oh, no you didn't…"

"Yeah, I did. What are you going to…"

"Girls, girls! Calm down! Or if you really want to fight that much, do so after I take my leave!" Zeoticus intervened while standing between the two girls to prevent a potential catfight.

"Hmph. But only because you say so, father."

"I do. And now…" the head of the Gremory clan announced, while rubbing his hands together, "I think that it's time I took my leave."

"Already? Won't you be staying for dinner?" Mrs. Hyoudou asked. "And here I was thinking I could maybe make my world-famous spicy thai lobster soup…"

"Heh, sorry about that, but I would most definitely not want to overstay my welcome." Zeoticus replied with a goofy smile, all while putting his left hand behind his head. "Besides, there's still work that needs to be done. Preparations for tomorrow are not over yet."

"Preparations?" Rias asked with a half-raised eyebrow.

"Oh, you know, just setting things up in the Academy and informing the new students on how the situation is." her father replied. "In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if other students who attend the Academy are having the same conversation that we had right now…"

Indeed… at the same time this conversation was held, somewhere in a house in downtown Kuoh, a company of strange creatures, namely a dragon, a cat, a monkey, a swordsman and a magical girl, were having the same conversation with a Fallen Angel, with varying opinions on the situation…

"You can't be serious."

"Oh, but I am. And like I said, you're starting tomorrow."

"This is bullshit."

"Can it, Vali. Bullshit or not, you're going through with it. Besides, you kids could use an education." Azazel said.

"I can get an education on the streets. Why do I have to go to school?" Vali questioned, continuing to dismiss the words of the leader of the Fallen Angels.

"You're going because you need to learn how to get along with people. Kuroka and Bikou are going because they're dumb and need to learn shit so that they don't end up on the street some day." the Fallen Angel replied.

"Hey!" the cat and the monkey objected in unison.

"…and of course, we can't forget about these two." Azazel continued, jerking his thumb towards Arthur and Le Fay.

"I've always wanted to go to school, just to see what it's like!" Le Fay exclaimed happily.

"I guess I have nothing better to do." Arthur said. "Besides, if my little sister is going, there's no way that I'm not."

"And the most important reason is that we need to keep an eye on all of you. Nobody trusts you kids. Especially after that little number you did on us during the meeting of the leaders of the Three Factions… Or when you brought Loki in the Underworld party…" Azazel continued, with Vali rolling his eyes, Kuroka scoffing and Bikou smiling like an idiot while trying to scratch his head with his staff.

"And even after all this happened, Vali, you are still choosing to ignore all of my warnings and continue to trespass on Gremory territory. You have guts, I'll give you that. But one day, you might regret it."

Vali let out a malicious laugh. "Why, because it bothers Rias Gremory? What exactly can she do to me?"

"Not much…" Azazel replied with a grimace. "…but her brother is the current Devil King. You are a fool if you think that you are a match for him. Even I would not be able to beat him in battle."

"But…"

""But" nothing! Enough is enough, Vali! For the last time, you and your friends are going to attend the Academy. End of story!" Azazel snapped at Vali's disobedient attitude.

"Whatever you say, chief." Vali said with a sigh, crossing his arms.

"Hey, Vali, lighten up, nyan! Now that we can attend this Academy, I get to re-unite with my cute little sister, nyan!" Kuroka said, beaming with happiness.

"That's great and all, but I couldn't care less about you or your sister." was Vali's cold reply.

"Why do you always have to be such a jerk, nyan!" the Nekomata hissed.

"Aw, come on, dude!" an enthusiastic Bikou spoke up. "Think of all the hot chicks that will be attending! Think of all the other dudes that will be attending as well! We'll get to kick some serious ass in this school! It's gonna be awesome!"

"Exacty! As your friend pointed out, now that many supernatural beings will start attending this school, you'll find many worthy opponents to fight! Seems like a dream come true for a battle freak like you!" Azazel explained with a wink.

At hearing this, Vali softened a little bit. "Well… I guess it wouldn't hurt to get a proper education. Especially if I get to find Hyoudou and kick his ass once again."

"That's the spirit!" Azazel said, patting the White Dragon Emperor in the back. "Now, before you go… I already planned ahead and ordered your uniforms. Here."

Azazel took out a large box and opened it. Inside were five uniforms, identical to the ones worn by students that attend Kuoh Academy, but in different sizes.

"Nyaa! This uniform looks so hot!" Kuroka said excitedly while inspecting her female uniform.

"Tee-hee! These are so cute!" Le Fay added.

"I'm not wearing that." Vali stated, putting his male uniform back in the box.

"Very well, Vali. At this point, I couldn't care less about what you wear." Azazel sighed in defeat. "Just get the hell out of my house and make sure that you are at the Academy tomorrow. 8 A.M. sharp." the Fallen Angel added.

"That's the best thing I heard all evening." Vali retorted with a smug smile while preparing a magic circle for him and his friends to leave Azazel's house. "Later, chief."

"Bye, nyan!"

"See ya!"

"Farewell."

"Goodbye!"

After the members of Vali team teleported out of his house, the leader of the Fallen Angels let out a sigh, a sign of tiredness after a long day.

"Well, that's that. Now…" Azazel's voice trailed off into silence as he got up from the couch he was sitting on and made his way towards the beverage cabinet. The Fallen Angel eyed all the bottles that stood there before reaching for a fine bottle of scotch. After choosing the bottle, he proceeded to pick a glass, take out a pair of ice tongs, add a couple of ice-cubes inside the glass, pour some scotch and swallow the drink in one gulp, slurping in delight.

As Azazel was about to help himself to some more scotch, a tiny magic circle appeared next to his ear, alerting him. The Fallen Angel quickly recognized the magic circle as the one used by the members of the Gremory clan.

"Hmm? A call from the Gremory clan? Then it's probably…" Azazel thought before answering the call.

"'Sup?"

"Hey, man." a male voice came from the other side of the link. "How's it going?"

"All good. You?"

"I could do without my wife's nagging, but otherwise, I'm good." the voice joked. After taking a short break, he continued. "So, did you tell them?"

"Yeah, I did."

"How did they take it?"

"Some of them were pretty annoyed, but others seemed to like the idea. What about Rias and the O.R.C.? Did your father tell them?"

"Yup, he visited Issei-kun's house for lunch to inform them on the situation. They are excited for tomorrow… for the most part, at least."

"I bet they wouldn't be so excited if they knew exactly what's going on." Azazel said. "What about the rest of you guys?"

"Fia-tan seems to be very fond of the idea. And Ajuka said he's down for it as well. What about Mike, did you talk to him?"

"We had a small chat before Vali and his friends arrived. He said that it's a wonderful idea. And I also sent Baraqiel to talk to the old fart. His reply came in not too long ago; he agreed to our plan as well."

"So everyone's ready for tomorrow, huh?"

"Seems like it."

The voice sighed. "Look, I still don't know if it's a good idea. I know that we can easily stop any fighting in the school due to our immense power, but that doesn't change the fact that this place is going to turn into a huge ticking bomb. I mean, there will be my sister's peerage, the White Dragon Emperor's team, the Fallen Angel who once murdered Issei-kun, the Sitri, Phoenix and Bael clans, plus a ton of various other Devils, Angels and Fallen Angels, plus the human students who attend the Academy and are completely oblivious to the presence of all supernatural entities, all in the same place. It won't take much for things to get wild."

"Don't worry about it." Azazel dismissed the voice's fears after taking another sip of his scotch. "Besides…" the Fallen Angel added, a hint of mischief in his voice.

"… they will quickly drop the tough guy act once they realize exactly who they're dealing with."

* * *

 **And so it begins… the first chapter in my first ever High School DxD fanfic is complete. Way to go, me! :D**  
 **Since this is my first fanfic, allow me to explain what I've got in store for you guys… Mostly parody stories, such as this one (planning on writing at least 2 more DxD parody stories, apart from this one), a romance story and a more serious one as well. Most of my stories will not contain any OCs (actually, the only story that will include an OC is the serious one, which will probably be published last, because I want to put a good amount of effort into it so that it's not that crappy). ALSO, my stories will NOT contain lemons, and they most certainly will NOT contain a genius, playboy, god-like, stupidly overpowered and completely out-of-character Issei, because this kind of OOC Issei is so overused it makes me sick. Issei is not even on my favorite top 10 DxD characters list anyway, BUT you WILL get an outrageously thug-life-ish Vali that will give Issei and Rias one hell of a hard time. ;)**

 **In short, if you are looking for the same old uninteresting M-rated stories with an indestructible Issei that shoves his half a mile long dick inside every hole in existence, then this is not the story you are looking for. If, however, you want to see a bunch of original ideas that nobody has come up with yet, as well as a Vali that absolutely owns Issei and Rias, then you're at the right place. ;)**

 **Btw, before you blame me for my horrible grammar, allow me to inform you that I am not a native speaker of the English language. I'm doing all I can. Besides, I'm pretty sure that my English is a million times better than you Greek, so shut up about my grammar, kay? ;)**

 **Which reminds me… this is probably the first ever DxD fanfic written by a Greek author (unless if there are any other Greek DxD fanfics out there that I've never heard of). That's a new milestone for the DxD fanfic section! :D  
**

 **OK, that's enough from me. Stay tuned for the next chapter (or don't if you don't like this story, your call).  
**

 **maltron66, out!**


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